DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE04 oktober, 2018
DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE
Life can be a bitch
This blog won’t start as positively as the last, but bear with me, it will get there, I promise!
I am not a huge fan of motivational quotes such as “everything happens for a reason”. When I have sunk down to blue, red or black, people trying to make me see the positive tends to make me feel more alone and like my sadness is not valid. My approach to life is more along the lines of “life can be a bitch, completely random and sometimes unfair, but keep pushing through because things will get better eventually”. Let yourself feel what you feel, it is ok not to be ok.
Luckily I have been mostly in the green lately but I had a very challenging week after having surgery and ending up on crutches. One day, after struggling down the stairs, I opened the front door and found my 5 year old neighbour standing in front of me, also on crutches! We laughed about how we matched and vowed to start the “Top Secret Club for Cool Kids on Crutches”, but after a few more accidental meetings with her and her mum, it was clear that their week, their month and probably even their year was mostly red.
Let’s get this party started
I had soon had enough of resting and napping and mindlessly binging on Netflix (yes, it is possible to get to that point!) and was starting to feel more and more frustrated at how limited I was. My mind was also swimming with empathetic thoughts for my neighbours. So I decided to bake them something yummy! Cake is one of my true passions, I love eating them AND making them, and making someone else happy as a result is fantastic. I was excited to try out a new recipe with unfamiliar ingredients (my neighbour’s little girls are gluten and lactose intolerant).
This idea grew (I tend to get carried away quite easily), and to make a long story short, I spent my 2 weeks at home planning an Alice in Wonderland inspired tea party, with sweet and savoury treats, party bags full of handmade gifts and themed table decorations. It was the perfect thing to pull me out of the funk I had fallen in to, it combined so many of my favourite things; Alice in Wonderland, baking, eating and knutselen, with the necessary motivation to get started because it would make some very deserving people’s day that bit brighter.
Planning what I needed to do and starting on the arts and crafts absorbed my mind and distracted me from my own pains and limitations. I felt a little better every day, and by the time I pulled my head out of the bag of sequins, felt and other exciting bits and bobs, I was feeling way better, almost my normal self, other than the fact I had to do everything hopping.
It may have been a little bit ambitious to do everything on one leg, but I was determined to manage by myself. I hated being dependent on other people and that feeling had dragged me down long enough.
The day came and the little girls ran up the stairs in gorgeous little party dresses, Cheshire cat grins on their faces and excitement in their eyes. Their arms were laden with gifts for me that they couldn’t wait to present before finding their seats and investigating their party bags. We all had a lovely afternoon chatting away whilst polishing off the many snacks. The littlest girl had three slices of cake, which is a definite sign of success. We all ended the week on a high and I carried that through to the next week. I am now sitting comfortably in green again and am still buzzing off the weekend.
When you are feeling down, everything can cost so much effort. Personally, I find it so hard to motivate myself to get started on anything, even when I know I will enjoy it and it might make me feel better. I am really glad I found the motivation this time, and I will try to remind myself of that when I next find myself in a similar mood.
Love and yellow thoughts,
Your Chief Happiness Officer, Ayesha x.